Choose What Makes You Happy

I believe Bill Cosby stated it best when he said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try and please everyone." One of the things I struggle with most is the need to please people, especially family. I have always placed great emphasis and importance on what other people thought about my decisions and, perhaps at times, allowed them to have too much influence.  I do believe you should consider other opinions and heed advice but I also believe if you don't listen to your inner voice what you want can get lost. Consequently, there are events I look back on and wonder if the outcome could have been different if I had made a choice that was solely mine. With age, comes perspective and the knowledge you can learn from the past, but not dwell in it.

When I began my fitness journey, I didn't really understand how much it would change my whole being and perspective on life.  I came to realize there were some life changes that I wanted and needed to make.  I began to make a conscious effort to choose what I wanted, no matter how trivial the event. If I wanted to stay in on a Friday night and go to bed at 8 PM, that was okay and I didn't feel the need to explain it. It wasn't because I was depressed, it was because I wanted to be at home, alone. Those who know me, know my days start very early and end late, so I treasure the time when I can come home and put on my soft clothes, relax and read a book, play with Tucker, or just go to bed. And, because I didn't feel the need to explain things, I wasn't good about replying to texts or phone calls. In fact, I have a bad habit of going totally off grid. This makes people worry, which was never my intention.

Through my journey, I discovered a passion for fitness and an intense desire to excel in this arena. I didn't grow up playing sports or being physically fit, so this is very different than anything anyone in my family has ever done.  To make matters more challenging, when I am asked about it why I wish to pursue this, I have a difficult time putting it into words. Perhaps it is the challenge and that I know I can conquer it, perhaps it is because this is so very different than what I would normally do, or perhaps it is because the gym provided me sanctuary and gave me purpose at one of the most emotionally difficult times of my life. I am learning to accept that it is okay if people don't understand my motivation or choices because I can't please everyone. Two years ago, I would have been discouraged by the lack of support and may not have attempted any of this. Now, because of my experiences, I have the strength to move forward on my own. Is it always comfortable? No. No, it is not. Will I be more uncomfortable living with regret of not attempting to reach my goals? Yes. Yes, I will. 

What I may not be able to explain very well is why I see this as a new direction in my life. I want to constantly challenge myself mentally and physically because complacency is not an option. This is more than working out,competing or being interested in the fitness modeling industry, this is about enriching my life and helping others to do the same. I see a much bigger picture than I am ready to reveal and I find it hurtful when people do not believe I have a plan. I always have a plan, they may not always be successful, but I always have a plan. I have never been one to make the safe choice, I mean the choice that lends itself to a guaranteed outcome. If you don't take risks how will you know what you can achieve? You won't. I want to make the choice that I feel is right for me at this time in my life.  What I choose won't always be understood or accepted, but that is part of the journey of reinvention and evolution.  I am a work in progress and I know I will never be perfect, nor am I trying to be. I just want to be me, which at almost 39 years old, I finally feel I can be.

Choose what makes you happy.

XOXO,

Carrie